Saturday, February 27, 2010
Last Friday was one month since I started my new job teaching 4th grade science and I can honestly say that I love it. I really like my boss and my co-workers. The kids, overall, are a great group of kids. Yes, they drive me crazy sometimes. Yes, some of them are way more "hard" than I feel 4th grade kids should be. Regardless, I love them dearly! They provide me with so much entertainment (sometimes at the appropriate time and a lot of times in inappropriate times) and fulfillment. I've learned in only a month that I'm exactly where I'm supposed to be now in my chosen career and I LOVE IT!!!
Since I started my new job and have to commute about 20 minutes, I've made a few changes to Andrew's schedule too. When I first started my new job, I was driving across town to take Andrew to daycare. I'd leave him at daycare at around 6:45AM and then I'd have to drive all the way BACK across town to head to where I work. Then, I'd leave my job at around 3:45 (when we are released for the day) and I'd get back to pick Andrew up from daycare at around 4:15/4:30 (depending on traffic). There was so much extra driving and Andrew was in daycare way more than he previously was while I was subbing. So, after tons of prayers, making pro and con lists, making a decision, rethinking, making a different decision, worrying, feeling very torn, I finally made the decision to move Andrew from his daycare and take him with me to the daycare at the elementary school in the town where I'm teaching. I did let Andrew visit the daycare for a few days and I asked him what he thought about it. I included his input in my decision making, too.
Before the changes with his daycare and even before I got my job, Andrew was going two nights each week and every other wekeend to spend the night with his dad and stepmom. When he was home with me, he was having very big meltdowns over things that were not worthy of meltdowns at all and the meltdowns were happening pretty regularly. His personality had changed and it was breaking my heart to see him having such a rough time. The only thing I could pinpoint that might be triggering his meltdowns was that his time away from his primary home had increased. Before his dad got married, Andrew was going to his dad's house usually one night a week and a night or two every other weekend. Then when his dad got married, stepmom wanted a more regular schedule so they were doing one night a week, another night every other week and every other weekend. Then, in January, they requested that Andrew start staying overnight two nights a week and every other weekend and I think it was just too much for him. So, starting mid-February, I decided that it would be best for Andrew to spend every night during the week at one house. He still goes to his dad and stepmom's house those two nights during the week but he comes home every night instead of staying part of the week at our house and part of the week at their house. I can honestly say that I can see a huge difference in his attitude. The first night he went to their house and then came home, he did have a few of his meltdowns. However, the next night he didn't have any and hasn't had any of the meltdowns that were over nothing, since.
Honestly, picking Andrew up (or Andrew's dad bringing him home) each night during the week hasn't been easy. I was used to having two nights a week where I could do what I wanted without having my mommy duties dictate what I did. It's not great fun to interrupt my night to drive about 15/20 minutes across town to go pick Andrew up at 7:45. But, I am certain, without a doubt, that the decision was the best thing FOR ANDREW.
Since I became a mom, it has been my goal to do everything within my power to make sure my decisions were for Andrew's best. I've spent a lot of time putting my personal feelings aside to make sure Andrew was in the best situation for HIM. Many decisions I've made haven't been easy or convenient for me. But, it's not about me. It's about Andrew and what's best for him. When I made the decision to change Andrew's time with his dad and stepmom, that was my goal. I wasn't sure what I was doing was right but it was the only thing I could thing of to try to improve my son's state of mind. Some people might not agree with my decisions. Some people have even asked me why I've done some of the things I've done. Some people have gotten mad at me. So, be it. I know, in my heart of hearts, that I've always done what was best for Andrew. I'm his mom. I've known him since the beginning of his little, precious life. I can read him better than anyone. He wasn't happy and I could see it because I'm his mom.
Andrew's fortunate enough to have a great number of people in his life that love him. I'm so appreciative of all those that have welcomed Andrew in their lives and love him. I just hope that those that question my choices know that my goal is to do all I can to raise Andrew to be a strong Christian young man that will love those around him, be considerate of others' feelings and be willing to hear all sides of a story before picking a side. I also hope that he will give everyone a fair chance, even if they make choices that hurt him. I hope he learns to be forgiving, regardless of how people treat him. That's what I strive to do and I hope I'm setting a good example for him.
It's 5 months until my 40th birthday. I can proudly say that I'm in a career I love, I have a son that's handsome, smart, funny, and incredibly loving. My family loves me and they are so very supportive. I'm beyond blessed.
Saturday, February 27, 2010
Monday, January 18, 2010
Day Before Full Time Employment Begins- Yay!
Today is the last day that I will be unemployed full time and I'm so very excited! As you may (or may not) know, I begin a new job as a 4th grade science teacher tomorrow. Here's the story of how it all worked out.
I had Andrew in November 2005. I returned to work in February 2006 and was absolutely miserable and stressed out due to my job. I had been miserable in my job before I had Andrew and I was hoping that my time off for maternity leave would mean that once I went back to work, things would be better. The exact opposite happened- I was TONS more miserable than I ever imagined I would be. So, in May 2006 I walked out of my job, with no notice and with no other job to go to. However, I felt like I truly had no other option. The stress of the job that I absolutely HATED and the stress of being the primary caregiver and single mother to an infant was too much for me to deal with. Maybe post partum depression played a part in my decision, who knows. Regardless, I walked away and had no clue what I was going to do next.
The next year I worked in a temp job and also did some substitute teaching to give me something to do and a little money coming in as well. As I was doing those things, I did continue to apply for jobs and go on interviews that never panned out. It was a year of frustration and futility for me on the professional front. After spending almost a year in that place, I decided to check into going back to school to teach elementary school. Over the years I had thought about going back to school but it never seemed like a good time. But after a year of temp jobs and sub teaching, I decided that there was no time like the present to go back to school.
May 2007 I started back to school to get certification to teach elementary school. I absolutely LOVED being back in school and the chance to be in schools working with kids. When I started back to school, there was no inkling that education would eventually become an area of state budgets that would seem to be a good place to make cuts to help cover budget deficits. I was certain that I'd be able to get a job with no problems at all.
I was fortunate enough to be in several different classrooms over the time of my education. I spent time in Jennifer Williams kindergarten at Nevils Elementary, Kay Rule's 1st grade class at Mattie Lively Elementary, Valerie Zeigler's 4th grade class at Langston Chapel Elemenary and did my student teaching with Mark Petkewich and his 3rd grade class at Brooklet Elementary. I was so blessed in the classrooms where I learned more and more about being a teacher. During my off time, I was able to substitute teach some and it kept reminding me why I love being in the elementary classroom.
Since graduating in May 2009, I had the summer off and then I began substitute teaching when school started back. I subbed at Mattie Lively, Sallie Zetterower, Nevils and Julia P Bryant schools and spent the most time subbing at Brooklet Elementary. I enjoyed my time subbing because it allowed me to hone in on what age group I preferred to work with. 3rd and 4th grades are my favorites but there are positives and negatives in every grade.
During my time subbing, I had a few job interviews and things didn't pan out for me. I was fortunate enough to have an interview in Metter at Metter Intermediate School with Gwenda Rotton. I really enjoyed hearing about what was going on at MIS. Mrs. Gwenda called me before Christmas about another job position and then when that one didn't work out, she assured me that she wanted me on her staff but she wanted me in the right position for me. So, about two weeks ago she called me about a position that was coming open. I went over and met with her and Mrs. Jessica about the job. I visited all day last Monday and then spent the rest of the week in the classroom with the teacher that was leaving so that I could see how the class was run and had time to get to know the kids.
Mrs. Renee is the teacher I'm replacing. I'm very fortunate because she's leaving me all her resources. I'm enjoying getting to know the kids and look forward to having my own classroom, finally!
If you are in a situation where you are waiting for something that you want, trust God and his plan. The things that come along that you want and don't work out are not for you. Sometimes that's hard to accept. Trust God and his timing. He knows best for us.
Let me know if I can pray for you about something you are waiting on. God is good and he loves us all.
I had Andrew in November 2005. I returned to work in February 2006 and was absolutely miserable and stressed out due to my job. I had been miserable in my job before I had Andrew and I was hoping that my time off for maternity leave would mean that once I went back to work, things would be better. The exact opposite happened- I was TONS more miserable than I ever imagined I would be. So, in May 2006 I walked out of my job, with no notice and with no other job to go to. However, I felt like I truly had no other option. The stress of the job that I absolutely HATED and the stress of being the primary caregiver and single mother to an infant was too much for me to deal with. Maybe post partum depression played a part in my decision, who knows. Regardless, I walked away and had no clue what I was going to do next.
The next year I worked in a temp job and also did some substitute teaching to give me something to do and a little money coming in as well. As I was doing those things, I did continue to apply for jobs and go on interviews that never panned out. It was a year of frustration and futility for me on the professional front. After spending almost a year in that place, I decided to check into going back to school to teach elementary school. Over the years I had thought about going back to school but it never seemed like a good time. But after a year of temp jobs and sub teaching, I decided that there was no time like the present to go back to school.
May 2007 I started back to school to get certification to teach elementary school. I absolutely LOVED being back in school and the chance to be in schools working with kids. When I started back to school, there was no inkling that education would eventually become an area of state budgets that would seem to be a good place to make cuts to help cover budget deficits. I was certain that I'd be able to get a job with no problems at all.
I was fortunate enough to be in several different classrooms over the time of my education. I spent time in Jennifer Williams kindergarten at Nevils Elementary, Kay Rule's 1st grade class at Mattie Lively Elementary, Valerie Zeigler's 4th grade class at Langston Chapel Elemenary and did my student teaching with Mark Petkewich and his 3rd grade class at Brooklet Elementary. I was so blessed in the classrooms where I learned more and more about being a teacher. During my off time, I was able to substitute teach some and it kept reminding me why I love being in the elementary classroom.
Since graduating in May 2009, I had the summer off and then I began substitute teaching when school started back. I subbed at Mattie Lively, Sallie Zetterower, Nevils and Julia P Bryant schools and spent the most time subbing at Brooklet Elementary. I enjoyed my time subbing because it allowed me to hone in on what age group I preferred to work with. 3rd and 4th grades are my favorites but there are positives and negatives in every grade.
During my time subbing, I had a few job interviews and things didn't pan out for me. I was fortunate enough to have an interview in Metter at Metter Intermediate School with Gwenda Rotton. I really enjoyed hearing about what was going on at MIS. Mrs. Gwenda called me before Christmas about another job position and then when that one didn't work out, she assured me that she wanted me on her staff but she wanted me in the right position for me. So, about two weeks ago she called me about a position that was coming open. I went over and met with her and Mrs. Jessica about the job. I visited all day last Monday and then spent the rest of the week in the classroom with the teacher that was leaving so that I could see how the class was run and had time to get to know the kids.
Mrs. Renee is the teacher I'm replacing. I'm very fortunate because she's leaving me all her resources. I'm enjoying getting to know the kids and look forward to having my own classroom, finally!
If you are in a situation where you are waiting for something that you want, trust God and his plan. The things that come along that you want and don't work out are not for you. Sometimes that's hard to accept. Trust God and his timing. He knows best for us.
Let me know if I can pray for you about something you are waiting on. God is good and he loves us all.
Sunday, December 27, 2009
Post-Christmas, Pre-New Year Thoughts
Merry Christmas (late)! I hope that Santa was good to you and you got everything you wanted. I hope this was your best Christmas ever. :-)
My Christmas was very different than it's ever been in my life. This year Andrew spent Christmas Eve with his dad's family and so my sister and I stayed at our house instead of being with our parents. That meant this was the first year EVER (in my 39 years) that I didn't wake up in the same house with my parents. Talk about odd....it was VERY ODD. So, my Christmas morning was spent sleeping until around 9AM and then I hung out at home mostly by myself, wrapping all my Christmas presents, since Lyn went to lunch with some of her friends. Finally, I was able to pick up Andrew from his dad and stepmom's at around 2PM and we then headed to momma and daddy's house. When we made it to momma and daddy's is when my Christmas officially began.
When we got to momma and daddy's house, Jon, Erin and Zach (brother, sister in law and nephew) were already there. We hung out for a while and then we ate dinner. A friend of the family smoked a turkey for us so we had smoked turkey, dressing, gravy, peas, sweet potatoes, cranberry sauce and rolls for dinner. After dinner we opened presents. Andrew got a Buzz Lightyear and that was the thing he wanted opened right away. He got a Woody but it was at our house waiting for him since Santa left it. Now, he's got both of them and usually if he has one, the other isn't very far away. He loves them and them along with his Potato Heads (Mr. and Mrs.) he reenacts scenes from Toy Story sometimes- very cute!
One of the good things about having experienced a different type of Christmas meant that I was able to attend my church's Christmas Eve service this year for the first time. It really was a great time for us to get together as a church family to celebrate the reason for Christmas- Jesus's birth. My pastor talked about the anticipation of Christ's birth- his coming was foretold numerous times in the Old Testament. For a lot of people there was huge anticipation of his coming. For his mom and dad, Mary and Joseph, there was tons of anticipation too. Afterall, anytime a new baby is coming, parents are excited and anxious for the birth. But Mary and Joseph had even more anticipation since they were both visited by angels and were told that Jesus's birth was something very special. So, our pastor challenged us to look for the things we can anticipate in our lives that God is going to give to us. With that challenge, I'm excited and ready to see what new things God has in store for me in 2010.
I hope and pray that the end of 2009 allows you some time to ponder the last year and what has happened- good and bad. Are you any better or worse off than you were in 2008?
What are the big thigns that you hope happen in 2010?
Are you planning to wait on God's plan to unfold in HIS time or are you going to do whatever it takes to make it happen on your own? I pray that you wait for God and HIS timing. HIS timing is perfect.
My Christmas was very different than it's ever been in my life. This year Andrew spent Christmas Eve with his dad's family and so my sister and I stayed at our house instead of being with our parents. That meant this was the first year EVER (in my 39 years) that I didn't wake up in the same house with my parents. Talk about odd....it was VERY ODD. So, my Christmas morning was spent sleeping until around 9AM and then I hung out at home mostly by myself, wrapping all my Christmas presents, since Lyn went to lunch with some of her friends. Finally, I was able to pick up Andrew from his dad and stepmom's at around 2PM and we then headed to momma and daddy's house. When we made it to momma and daddy's is when my Christmas officially began.
When we got to momma and daddy's house, Jon, Erin and Zach (brother, sister in law and nephew) were already there. We hung out for a while and then we ate dinner. A friend of the family smoked a turkey for us so we had smoked turkey, dressing, gravy, peas, sweet potatoes, cranberry sauce and rolls for dinner. After dinner we opened presents. Andrew got a Buzz Lightyear and that was the thing he wanted opened right away. He got a Woody but it was at our house waiting for him since Santa left it. Now, he's got both of them and usually if he has one, the other isn't very far away. He loves them and them along with his Potato Heads (Mr. and Mrs.) he reenacts scenes from Toy Story sometimes- very cute!
One of the good things about having experienced a different type of Christmas meant that I was able to attend my church's Christmas Eve service this year for the first time. It really was a great time for us to get together as a church family to celebrate the reason for Christmas- Jesus's birth. My pastor talked about the anticipation of Christ's birth- his coming was foretold numerous times in the Old Testament. For a lot of people there was huge anticipation of his coming. For his mom and dad, Mary and Joseph, there was tons of anticipation too. Afterall, anytime a new baby is coming, parents are excited and anxious for the birth. But Mary and Joseph had even more anticipation since they were both visited by angels and were told that Jesus's birth was something very special. So, our pastor challenged us to look for the things we can anticipate in our lives that God is going to give to us. With that challenge, I'm excited and ready to see what new things God has in store for me in 2010.
I hope and pray that the end of 2009 allows you some time to ponder the last year and what has happened- good and bad. Are you any better or worse off than you were in 2008?
What are the big thigns that you hope happen in 2010?
Are you planning to wait on God's plan to unfold in HIS time or are you going to do whatever it takes to make it happen on your own? I pray that you wait for God and HIS timing. HIS timing is perfect.
Sunday, November 29, 2009
Musings post-Thanksgiving 2009
Sunday, November 29, 2009
What a week I've just had. First my house got broken into. Then my son turned 4 years old (where has time gone, btw?) and then it was Peacock Thanksgiving 2009. Now the long Thanksgiving Break is over, everyone is getting ready to head back to work and school. And here I am, still unemployed and looking for the blessings to focus on instead of falling back into another pity party about my current circumstances. As you may imagine, it's easier said than done to focus on the blessings sometimes.
Today my pastor talked about how we need THE LIGHT/AKA THE TRUTH/AKA Jesus Christ in our lives to get rid of the darkness. So, I'm trying to focus on the positives of my situation so that they can cast light on the dark places in my life.
Yes, our house was broken into. I was away from home for about an hour and a half and when I returned, I found the broken window and lights on that I hadn't left on when I left. My sister was out of town and not due back home for another day so I knew it wasn't her doing. Surprisingly, it took a few minutes for the reality to hit my brain that someone had broken in and had been in our house and that the person might still be there. Once reality set in and I processed all the clues, I walked back out and called 911. It took about 20 minutes for the deputy get to me and during that time I was in shock and trying to figure out what I was going to do. Eventually the deputy made it to the house and he walked thru to make sure noone was in the house. Then I had to figure out if anything seemed to be missing. To my surprise, nothing was taken. We had two laptop computers still sitting in the house and both were still there. It was obvious that the robber was looking for small things- jewelry (none that we have of any monetary value) and money (none that we have either, especially not any laying around or in a secret stash). Given everything, I'm counting my blessings for the following- 1) Nothing was taken, 2) I was alone at the time and Andrew wasn't with me so I didn't have to deal with my emotions along with trying to explain things to a 4 year old that asks TONS of questions, 3) No one was hurt.
Andrew turned 4 on Tuesday. We had a very good day and I totally count my blessings that come thru him in my life. He's smart and funny and entertaining. He's challenging and drives me nuts sometimes but I wouldn't change anything about him. He's pure joy and I'm so very thankful that he is in my life and is my little boy. His random "Mommy, I love you!" and "I want to give you a hug!" warm my heart like nothing else in this world.
Thanksgiving 2009 was good as well. The Peacock family got together for our yearly big event and we had 39 family members there. We had 6 members of the family that were elsewhere for Thanksgiving and we have several others that are no longer with us on this earth. Andrew got to run and play with other great grandkids and he had a ball. It was good to see family that we don't see very often and the food was an extra bonus. I baked 2 desserts from Hungry Girl recipes. I made some Red Velvet cupcakes that tasted good but I didn't read the directions on how to make the frosting and I messed it up so they were too ugly to take to a family gathering. I also made a Pumpkin Pie that was really good but the crust could use some MAJOR overhauling.
Black Friday was very uneventful for me. Andrew was with his dad and stepmom. My sister was at my brother and sister-in-law's house keeping our nephew so my brother could do some Black Friday shopping. So, mom and I went to one place to shop. It was a small, stand alone department store and there were no big crowds. We went around 10:30 and it was very casual shopping and we still found a few good bargains.
After the drive back home on Friday, I got Andrew back from his dad and stepmom and we mostly hung out at home. Saturday morning we woke up and Andrew and I went to the 10AM Weight Watchers meeting. Andrew started out doing well but it went downhill very quickly. So, we had to leave the meeting early and I was not happy. We came back home and Andrew and I stayed in bed from around 11AM until around 4PM. We laid there talking and laughing for a bit and then we took a very long nap. After that we woke up and went to dinner with my sister. Andrew's mood was much better after the nap so obviously he was worn out and needed sleep.
Sunday (today) we got up and got ready for church. After church we ran by Walmart for a few groceries and then we ate lunch and took a nap. After nap, Andrew and I went to the movies to see Planet 51. It was a cute movie and Andrew did great. We went to the bathroom once and other than that, Andrew was great about watching the movie. He ate tons of popcorn and drank his Sprite like a pro. Then we went thru Wendy's drive-thru for dinner. We played a while and then we did his nightly routine and he went to bed.
So, the big thing I'm struggling with right now is that I STILL don't have a full time teaching job. I'm totally thankful for all the sub jobs I've had this school year. I know that even if I'm not where I want to be right now, I need to keep in mind that God is using me to help other people be where they need to be. It's a daily, moment to moment sometimes, struggle to continue to have faith that God is working on my behalf. I'm trying my hardest to focus on the positives. I get to tell people that I can't work if there are other things I need to do (like going to volunteer in Andrew's class or go to his Thanksgiving Feast and program). I get to work in several different schools and move from grade to grade and it's helping fine tune where I enjoy teaching more and which areas aren't my favorites.
What's frustrating is that I'm never on a set schedule. I don't have a steady paycheck coming in and I don't have health insurance. I don't have my own classroom with my own kids that I see day in and day out and I'm not working full time in the area of my passion- educating children.
I continue to look for jobs in and out of the teaching field. It doesn't seem like anything is open right now. I'm doing my best to stay here in this area so that Andrew and his dad and stepmom can have as much time as possible together. I feel that's what I need to do and I continue to trust that that's what God wants.
So, along with my other struggles, I am continuing to struggle with my food and weight. I wonder if I'm ever going to get back on track and do well as long as I have no structure to the rest of my life. I don't know what's going to happen. I don't know if there are any answers to my questions that will show up anytime soon. I just know that God is in control and I trust him with everything.
What a week I've just had. First my house got broken into. Then my son turned 4 years old (where has time gone, btw?) and then it was Peacock Thanksgiving 2009. Now the long Thanksgiving Break is over, everyone is getting ready to head back to work and school. And here I am, still unemployed and looking for the blessings to focus on instead of falling back into another pity party about my current circumstances. As you may imagine, it's easier said than done to focus on the blessings sometimes.
Today my pastor talked about how we need THE LIGHT/AKA THE TRUTH/AKA Jesus Christ in our lives to get rid of the darkness. So, I'm trying to focus on the positives of my situation so that they can cast light on the dark places in my life.
Yes, our house was broken into. I was away from home for about an hour and a half and when I returned, I found the broken window and lights on that I hadn't left on when I left. My sister was out of town and not due back home for another day so I knew it wasn't her doing. Surprisingly, it took a few minutes for the reality to hit my brain that someone had broken in and had been in our house and that the person might still be there. Once reality set in and I processed all the clues, I walked back out and called 911. It took about 20 minutes for the deputy get to me and during that time I was in shock and trying to figure out what I was going to do. Eventually the deputy made it to the house and he walked thru to make sure noone was in the house. Then I had to figure out if anything seemed to be missing. To my surprise, nothing was taken. We had two laptop computers still sitting in the house and both were still there. It was obvious that the robber was looking for small things- jewelry (none that we have of any monetary value) and money (none that we have either, especially not any laying around or in a secret stash). Given everything, I'm counting my blessings for the following- 1) Nothing was taken, 2) I was alone at the time and Andrew wasn't with me so I didn't have to deal with my emotions along with trying to explain things to a 4 year old that asks TONS of questions, 3) No one was hurt.
Andrew turned 4 on Tuesday. We had a very good day and I totally count my blessings that come thru him in my life. He's smart and funny and entertaining. He's challenging and drives me nuts sometimes but I wouldn't change anything about him. He's pure joy and I'm so very thankful that he is in my life and is my little boy. His random "Mommy, I love you!" and "I want to give you a hug!" warm my heart like nothing else in this world.
Thanksgiving 2009 was good as well. The Peacock family got together for our yearly big event and we had 39 family members there. We had 6 members of the family that were elsewhere for Thanksgiving and we have several others that are no longer with us on this earth. Andrew got to run and play with other great grandkids and he had a ball. It was good to see family that we don't see very often and the food was an extra bonus. I baked 2 desserts from Hungry Girl recipes. I made some Red Velvet cupcakes that tasted good but I didn't read the directions on how to make the frosting and I messed it up so they were too ugly to take to a family gathering. I also made a Pumpkin Pie that was really good but the crust could use some MAJOR overhauling.
Black Friday was very uneventful for me. Andrew was with his dad and stepmom. My sister was at my brother and sister-in-law's house keeping our nephew so my brother could do some Black Friday shopping. So, mom and I went to one place to shop. It was a small, stand alone department store and there were no big crowds. We went around 10:30 and it was very casual shopping and we still found a few good bargains.
After the drive back home on Friday, I got Andrew back from his dad and stepmom and we mostly hung out at home. Saturday morning we woke up and Andrew and I went to the 10AM Weight Watchers meeting. Andrew started out doing well but it went downhill very quickly. So, we had to leave the meeting early and I was not happy. We came back home and Andrew and I stayed in bed from around 11AM until around 4PM. We laid there talking and laughing for a bit and then we took a very long nap. After that we woke up and went to dinner with my sister. Andrew's mood was much better after the nap so obviously he was worn out and needed sleep.
Sunday (today) we got up and got ready for church. After church we ran by Walmart for a few groceries and then we ate lunch and took a nap. After nap, Andrew and I went to the movies to see Planet 51. It was a cute movie and Andrew did great. We went to the bathroom once and other than that, Andrew was great about watching the movie. He ate tons of popcorn and drank his Sprite like a pro. Then we went thru Wendy's drive-thru for dinner. We played a while and then we did his nightly routine and he went to bed.
So, the big thing I'm struggling with right now is that I STILL don't have a full time teaching job. I'm totally thankful for all the sub jobs I've had this school year. I know that even if I'm not where I want to be right now, I need to keep in mind that God is using me to help other people be where they need to be. It's a daily, moment to moment sometimes, struggle to continue to have faith that God is working on my behalf. I'm trying my hardest to focus on the positives. I get to tell people that I can't work if there are other things I need to do (like going to volunteer in Andrew's class or go to his Thanksgiving Feast and program). I get to work in several different schools and move from grade to grade and it's helping fine tune where I enjoy teaching more and which areas aren't my favorites.
What's frustrating is that I'm never on a set schedule. I don't have a steady paycheck coming in and I don't have health insurance. I don't have my own classroom with my own kids that I see day in and day out and I'm not working full time in the area of my passion- educating children.
I continue to look for jobs in and out of the teaching field. It doesn't seem like anything is open right now. I'm doing my best to stay here in this area so that Andrew and his dad and stepmom can have as much time as possible together. I feel that's what I need to do and I continue to trust that that's what God wants.
So, along with my other struggles, I am continuing to struggle with my food and weight. I wonder if I'm ever going to get back on track and do well as long as I have no structure to the rest of my life. I don't know what's going to happen. I don't know if there are any answers to my questions that will show up anytime soon. I just know that God is in control and I trust him with everything.
Monday, November 23, 2009
To Quote a Bumpersticker- "Mean People SUCK!"
Monday, November 23, 2009
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Today I slept in and then headed out to the gym around 10:30AM. When I got back home around noon, I walked in the front door to find the overhead light in the living room on and I had turned it off. I also noticed that one of the back windows was broken out but I thought briefly that something had randomly hit it and broken it. Then I noticed the lights in Lyn's hallway and bedroom were on and I realized that someone had been in the house so I quickly gathered my purse, keys and phone and went back out the front door and called the police.
I walked behind our house to check things out and there was an old flower pot on the ground and I thought someone had used that to break the window. And an old cooler had been pulled under the window and I'm sure that's what the person used to climb into the house.
I waited about 20 or 30 minutes for the deputy to show up. Once he arrived, he walked thru the house to make sure no one was still in the house and then I had to look around to see if I could see if anything was missing. Turns out there was nothing missing from what I could tell. My laptop was still sitting on the coffee table, untouched. My sister's work computer, that had been placed under her bed, was sitting in the computer bag on her bed. Several credit cards she had stacked on a shelf were still there. TVs were all accounted for as were stereos and boom boxes and the desktop computer. A few things in the living room had been opened but I think for the most part the thief realized pretty quickly that they broke into the wrong house if they were looking for anything of too much value. We are too poor to have extra money laying around and neither of us have any jewelry worth anything. Plus, my sister's work computer had the county inventory sticker stuff on them so it would be difficult to pawn that. Hahaha! Neither of us are on prescription drugs and so they were pretty much out of luck in finding anything of monetary value here.
More than anything I'm pissed. My sense of security and peace of mind have been taken from me. Don't get me wrong, I'm very thankful that no one was hurt and nothing was taken. But, I'm still irritated that they broke in and took nothing with them. It makes me wonder if they were scared off, were looking for something specific that they couldn't find or if they were casing the place to see what all they want to steal on a return visit.
What in the world makes someone think it's ok to break into someone else's house and plunder thru their personal belongs and then turn around and take whatever they want in the process? I really hate that people in this day and age think they don't have to work for anything. They think they can take what they want, without considering the person that they take from. It's just a messed up world we live in. So, with that said, I come back to my title- MEAN PEOPLE SUCK!
Please pray with me for my peace of mind and sense of security to be restored very quickly. Also, please pray for the person(s) that broke in. I hope they get help with whatever it is that leads them to think it's ok to break into people's houses. If it takes jail to get them to that point, that's great. But if they can get help some other way before that, it would be great as well, even if I never know about it.
\
Today I slept in and then headed out to the gym around 10:30AM. When I got back home around noon, I walked in the front door to find the overhead light in the living room on and I had turned it off. I also noticed that one of the back windows was broken out but I thought briefly that something had randomly hit it and broken it. Then I noticed the lights in Lyn's hallway and bedroom were on and I realized that someone had been in the house so I quickly gathered my purse, keys and phone and went back out the front door and called the police.
I walked behind our house to check things out and there was an old flower pot on the ground and I thought someone had used that to break the window. And an old cooler had been pulled under the window and I'm sure that's what the person used to climb into the house.
I waited about 20 or 30 minutes for the deputy to show up. Once he arrived, he walked thru the house to make sure no one was still in the house and then I had to look around to see if I could see if anything was missing. Turns out there was nothing missing from what I could tell. My laptop was still sitting on the coffee table, untouched. My sister's work computer, that had been placed under her bed, was sitting in the computer bag on her bed. Several credit cards she had stacked on a shelf were still there. TVs were all accounted for as were stereos and boom boxes and the desktop computer. A few things in the living room had been opened but I think for the most part the thief realized pretty quickly that they broke into the wrong house if they were looking for anything of too much value. We are too poor to have extra money laying around and neither of us have any jewelry worth anything. Plus, my sister's work computer had the county inventory sticker stuff on them so it would be difficult to pawn that. Hahaha! Neither of us are on prescription drugs and so they were pretty much out of luck in finding anything of monetary value here.
More than anything I'm pissed. My sense of security and peace of mind have been taken from me. Don't get me wrong, I'm very thankful that no one was hurt and nothing was taken. But, I'm still irritated that they broke in and took nothing with them. It makes me wonder if they were scared off, were looking for something specific that they couldn't find or if they were casing the place to see what all they want to steal on a return visit.
What in the world makes someone think it's ok to break into someone else's house and plunder thru their personal belongs and then turn around and take whatever they want in the process? I really hate that people in this day and age think they don't have to work for anything. They think they can take what they want, without considering the person that they take from. It's just a messed up world we live in. So, with that said, I come back to my title- MEAN PEOPLE SUCK!
Please pray with me for my peace of mind and sense of security to be restored very quickly. Also, please pray for the person(s) that broke in. I hope they get help with whatever it is that leads them to think it's ok to break into people's houses. If it takes jail to get them to that point, that's great. But if they can get help some other way before that, it would be great as well, even if I never know about it.
Sunday, November 8, 2009
Sunday, November 8, 2009
So, today our pastor spoke on faith and how important it is to our lives. Whether or not we want to admit it or acknowledge it, everything we do can be tied back to faith, or lack thereof. Given the place I'm in in my life right now, I feel that there is so much JUNK I need to get off my chest and so I'm hoping that blogging about it here might help make sense of some of it, or at least lighten my load regarding it all.
My last blog that I posted yesterday was about being thankful for things. As I write this blog regarding all the uncertainties in my life, I want everyone reading to know that I am beyond blessed and so very thankful for all that I do have in my life. However, just like anyone else, there are areas where I'm struggling.
As the title of my blog shows, I'm knocking rather loudly on the door to my 40s. Looking at my life and what it is right now, I can honestly say that I just don't recognize any part of it as what I thought my life was going to be at this point. At the age of 16, I'm certain that when I envisioned my life at 40, it wouldn't involve me living in a trailer with my sister and sharing a bedroom with my son. It wouldn't have included me being a single mom and currently unemployed. It wouldn't have included being approximately 70 pounds (give or take some) overweight and struggling to take it off. Nor would it have included the fact that I don't really have any close girlfriends that live nearby me. Typing all of that out and admitting it for others to read truly makes me very depressed and makes me ask the big question "Is this all my life has become?"
Some people may say that looking at one's life and asking such a question as "Is this the life I envisioned for myself?" at this time (around 40) means that I'm probably having a mid-life crisis. Maybe I am. Maybe not. I know other college friends have admitted to me that they have recently had what they'd call a mid-life crisis, while other college friends have done things lately that, from my perspective, seem to be the choices someone in a mid-life crisis might make. So, with that said, I guess it makes me wonder if maybe my feelings of frustration and lack of contentment might be my version of a mid-life crisis. If anyone has any answers, I'm all ears, for sure. :-)
In one of the books I've been reading lately, Lose It For Life, by Steve Arterburn, he makes a great point about how getting things out in the open means that they don't hold the power that they had when they were hidden. So many times we seem to think that the things we are thinking about ourselves and our circumstances are absolutely horrible and terrible and "what would people think if they knew _________ about us?" And yet, since we are all humans, born with sin nature and living in a fallen world, we ALL have those things in our lives we think will cause others to scorn us and treat us like we have 2 heads and 3 eyeballs. If only we'd be more transparent and seek out help in loving and supportive environments. Unfortunately, many of us have attempted to do those types of things, only to have trusted in the wrong people and been hurt to our cores when they've betrayed our trust. Why can't we all admit our shortcomings and know that to God, none of us are worthy? Why do we try to spend so much time "Keeping up with the Joneses/Smiths/Browns?" and finding out that the Joneses, Smiths and Browns are struggling as much as we are?
I think we just don't have enough faith. Too many times we go with what we know instead of taking time to pray and seek God and have FAITH that God is working out HIS best for our lives and in HIS time.
So many times we reach a point where we decide to "put it in God's hands" and swear we are going to leave it there. We start going to church regularly (if we weren't already). We start tithing our 10% (if we weren't already). We start doing all these things, hoping that we will do enough good things and God will notice and then whatever it is we "put in God's hands" is supposed to all the sudden work out just like we had hoped because we feel, after all, like we deserve it because we are crossing off all the things on our "What God Expects Us To Do" To Do List. When this doesn't happen, we get mad and start fussing at God and wondering why he isn't answering our prayers the way we want and in the time we think it should work out in. So, we rudely snatch back out of his hands whatever we put there and walk away. Then we start making poor decisions again, ones we think are right for us, not necessarily what we know is the right thing to do. We live in a society that tells us, "Do what feels good!" instead of "Do what's right!" So many times, what is right isn't popular and what's popular isn't right. Never before has that statement been any truer than it is in our society right this minute.
After we snatch our worries and cares away from God's hands and run with them ourselves, we usually make matters even worse than they already were. We continue thinking we can do better than God and that we know better than God. We are so bombarded with the concept of being "self-made men/women" that we feel like we have the power within ourselves to make things happen. When all in all, God is in control. Why don't we just have FAITH that HE knows what's best for us.
That job that we KNEW was THE ONE for us falls thru. That guy we were certain was THE ONE turns out to be a dud. The friend we thought we could share anything with turns on us and throws some of our deepest, darkest pains and hurts back in our face during a simple argument. We shake our heads, throw our hands up and ask God WHY?
Hebrews 11:1 says "Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see." We need to have faith in God and trust his plan, not our own.
So, with that said, I'm reminding myself to have FAITH in my life, especially in the areas that are areas of uncertainty and dissatisfaction for me. God is allowing these trials in my life to help me grow in my faith. The question is will I embrace the opportunities to grow and mature or will I fight every step and make myself even more frustrated? That choice is one that I can only make for myself.
What about you? Are there areas in your life where you are fighting God? How about joining with me in prayer that we can look at the trials as opportunities for growth of our faith instead of times of weariness?
My last blog that I posted yesterday was about being thankful for things. As I write this blog regarding all the uncertainties in my life, I want everyone reading to know that I am beyond blessed and so very thankful for all that I do have in my life. However, just like anyone else, there are areas where I'm struggling.
As the title of my blog shows, I'm knocking rather loudly on the door to my 40s. Looking at my life and what it is right now, I can honestly say that I just don't recognize any part of it as what I thought my life was going to be at this point. At the age of 16, I'm certain that when I envisioned my life at 40, it wouldn't involve me living in a trailer with my sister and sharing a bedroom with my son. It wouldn't have included me being a single mom and currently unemployed. It wouldn't have included being approximately 70 pounds (give or take some) overweight and struggling to take it off. Nor would it have included the fact that I don't really have any close girlfriends that live nearby me. Typing all of that out and admitting it for others to read truly makes me very depressed and makes me ask the big question "Is this all my life has become?"
Some people may say that looking at one's life and asking such a question as "Is this the life I envisioned for myself?" at this time (around 40) means that I'm probably having a mid-life crisis. Maybe I am. Maybe not. I know other college friends have admitted to me that they have recently had what they'd call a mid-life crisis, while other college friends have done things lately that, from my perspective, seem to be the choices someone in a mid-life crisis might make. So, with that said, I guess it makes me wonder if maybe my feelings of frustration and lack of contentment might be my version of a mid-life crisis. If anyone has any answers, I'm all ears, for sure. :-)
In one of the books I've been reading lately, Lose It For Life, by Steve Arterburn, he makes a great point about how getting things out in the open means that they don't hold the power that they had when they were hidden. So many times we seem to think that the things we are thinking about ourselves and our circumstances are absolutely horrible and terrible and "what would people think if they knew _________ about us?" And yet, since we are all humans, born with sin nature and living in a fallen world, we ALL have those things in our lives we think will cause others to scorn us and treat us like we have 2 heads and 3 eyeballs. If only we'd be more transparent and seek out help in loving and supportive environments. Unfortunately, many of us have attempted to do those types of things, only to have trusted in the wrong people and been hurt to our cores when they've betrayed our trust. Why can't we all admit our shortcomings and know that to God, none of us are worthy? Why do we try to spend so much time "Keeping up with the Joneses/Smiths/Browns?" and finding out that the Joneses, Smiths and Browns are struggling as much as we are?
I think we just don't have enough faith. Too many times we go with what we know instead of taking time to pray and seek God and have FAITH that God is working out HIS best for our lives and in HIS time.
So many times we reach a point where we decide to "put it in God's hands" and swear we are going to leave it there. We start going to church regularly (if we weren't already). We start tithing our 10% (if we weren't already). We start doing all these things, hoping that we will do enough good things and God will notice and then whatever it is we "put in God's hands" is supposed to all the sudden work out just like we had hoped because we feel, after all, like we deserve it because we are crossing off all the things on our "What God Expects Us To Do" To Do List. When this doesn't happen, we get mad and start fussing at God and wondering why he isn't answering our prayers the way we want and in the time we think it should work out in. So, we rudely snatch back out of his hands whatever we put there and walk away. Then we start making poor decisions again, ones we think are right for us, not necessarily what we know is the right thing to do. We live in a society that tells us, "Do what feels good!" instead of "Do what's right!" So many times, what is right isn't popular and what's popular isn't right. Never before has that statement been any truer than it is in our society right this minute.
After we snatch our worries and cares away from God's hands and run with them ourselves, we usually make matters even worse than they already were. We continue thinking we can do better than God and that we know better than God. We are so bombarded with the concept of being "self-made men/women" that we feel like we have the power within ourselves to make things happen. When all in all, God is in control. Why don't we just have FAITH that HE knows what's best for us.
That job that we KNEW was THE ONE for us falls thru. That guy we were certain was THE ONE turns out to be a dud. The friend we thought we could share anything with turns on us and throws some of our deepest, darkest pains and hurts back in our face during a simple argument. We shake our heads, throw our hands up and ask God WHY?
Hebrews 11:1 says "Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see." We need to have faith in God and trust his plan, not our own.
So, with that said, I'm reminding myself to have FAITH in my life, especially in the areas that are areas of uncertainty and dissatisfaction for me. God is allowing these trials in my life to help me grow in my faith. The question is will I embrace the opportunities to grow and mature or will I fight every step and make myself even more frustrated? That choice is one that I can only make for myself.
What about you? Are there areas in your life where you are fighting God? How about joining with me in prayer that we can look at the trials as opportunities for growth of our faith instead of times of weariness?
Saturday, November 7, 2009
November- the month of thanks
November 7, 2009
Since this is November, the month we celebrate Thanksgiving, I decided (thanks to a blog by my friend Tricia) to do a post on things I'm thankful for.
First I'm thankful for my parents. They have been so very supportive of me and my quest to get my teaching certification and then supporting me through this time of unemployment. For the record, I absolutely HATE having them support me but at this point, I'm also extremely thankful for their willingness to still support me, knowing I'm doing all I can to find a teaching job.
I'm also thankful for Andrew and all the joy he's given me over his short little, almost 4, years of life. Yes, he tests my patience and drives me nuts sometimes. Yes, he is very mouthy and too smart sometimes. But overall, he's so entertaining and gives the best hugs and kisses. He asks great questions that keep me on my toes and he's a great snuggler. He's very passionate about the things he wants and he loves with abandon. He's so much more than a blessing to me and I'm thankful for him every day.
My sister is another person I'm thankful for. We live together and have since July 2002. We are very different in a lot of ways and very similar in others. We drive each other crazy sometimes but overall we get along pretty well. I think part of why we do get along so well is because we tend to come and go at different times most of the time. Andrew is nuts about his Aunt Lyn and she is nuts about him as well. They have a ball together.
I'm extremely thankful for the church where Andrew and I attend and are involved. I'm fortunate to teach 4th and 5th graders once a month and I also help with K-5th grade on Wednesday nights too. I have some great friends there and tons of support and love from my pastor and his wife. I'm so thankful for what our mission is at Grace Community Church. I'm so glad to know our church isn't a "typical church" and we aren't different to be different but because we feel that's what God wants us to do. There's a HUGE difference between the two for sure!
That's enough for one day. I think I'll post some more at another time.
Since this is November, the month we celebrate Thanksgiving, I decided (thanks to a blog by my friend Tricia) to do a post on things I'm thankful for.
First I'm thankful for my parents. They have been so very supportive of me and my quest to get my teaching certification and then supporting me through this time of unemployment. For the record, I absolutely HATE having them support me but at this point, I'm also extremely thankful for their willingness to still support me, knowing I'm doing all I can to find a teaching job.
I'm also thankful for Andrew and all the joy he's given me over his short little, almost 4, years of life. Yes, he tests my patience and drives me nuts sometimes. Yes, he is very mouthy and too smart sometimes. But overall, he's so entertaining and gives the best hugs and kisses. He asks great questions that keep me on my toes and he's a great snuggler. He's very passionate about the things he wants and he loves with abandon. He's so much more than a blessing to me and I'm thankful for him every day.
My sister is another person I'm thankful for. We live together and have since July 2002. We are very different in a lot of ways and very similar in others. We drive each other crazy sometimes but overall we get along pretty well. I think part of why we do get along so well is because we tend to come and go at different times most of the time. Andrew is nuts about his Aunt Lyn and she is nuts about him as well. They have a ball together.
I'm extremely thankful for the church where Andrew and I attend and are involved. I'm fortunate to teach 4th and 5th graders once a month and I also help with K-5th grade on Wednesday nights too. I have some great friends there and tons of support and love from my pastor and his wife. I'm so thankful for what our mission is at Grace Community Church. I'm so glad to know our church isn't a "typical church" and we aren't different to be different but because we feel that's what God wants us to do. There's a HUGE difference between the two for sure!
That's enough for one day. I think I'll post some more at another time.
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