Musings post-Thanksgiving 2009

Sunday, November 29, 2009

What a week I've just had.  First my house got broken into.  Then my son turned 4 years old (where has time gone, btw?) and then it was Peacock Thanksgiving 2009.  Now the long Thanksgiving Break is over, everyone is getting ready to head back to work and school.  And here I am, still unemployed and looking for the blessings to focus on instead of falling back into another pity party about my current circumstances.  As you may imagine, it's easier said than done to focus on the blessings sometimes.

Today my pastor talked about how we need THE LIGHT/AKA THE TRUTH/AKA Jesus Christ in our lives to get rid of the darkness.  So, I'm trying to focus on the positives of my situation so that they can cast light on the dark places in my life.

Yes, our house was broken into.  I was away from home for about an hour and a half and when I returned, I found the broken window and lights on that I hadn't left on when I left.  My sister was out of town and not due back home for another day so I knew it wasn't her doing.  Surprisingly, it took a few minutes for the reality to hit my brain that someone had broken in and had been in our house and that the person might still be there.  Once reality set in and I processed all the clues, I walked back out and called 911.  It took about 20 minutes for the deputy get to me and during that time I was in shock and trying to figure out what I was going to do.  Eventually the deputy made it to the house and he walked thru to make sure noone was in the house.  Then I had to figure out if anything seemed to be missing.  To my surprise, nothing was taken.  We had two laptop computers still sitting in the house and both were still there.  It was obvious that the robber was looking for small things- jewelry (none that we have of any monetary value) and money (none that we have either, especially not any laying around or in a secret stash).  Given everything, I'm counting my blessings for the following- 1) Nothing was taken, 2) I was alone at the time and Andrew wasn't with me so I didn't have to deal with my emotions along with trying to explain things to a 4 year old that asks TONS of questions, 3) No one was hurt.

Andrew turned 4 on Tuesday.  We had a very good day and I totally count my blessings that come thru him in my life.  He's smart and funny and entertaining.  He's challenging and drives me nuts sometimes but I wouldn't change anything about him.  He's pure joy and I'm so very thankful that he is in my life and is my little boy.  His random "Mommy, I love you!" and "I want to give you a hug!" warm my heart like nothing else in this world.

Thanksgiving 2009 was good as well.  The Peacock family got together for our yearly big event and we had 39 family members there.  We had 6 members of the family that were elsewhere for Thanksgiving and we have several others that are no longer with us on this earth.  Andrew got to run and play with other great grandkids and he had a ball.  It was good to see family that we don't see very often and the food was an extra bonus.  I baked 2 desserts from Hungry Girl recipes.  I made some Red Velvet cupcakes that tasted good but I didn't read the directions on how to make the frosting and I messed it up so they were too ugly to take to a family gathering.  I also made a Pumpkin Pie that was really good but the crust could use some MAJOR overhauling.

Black Friday was very uneventful for me.  Andrew was with his dad and stepmom.  My sister was at my brother and sister-in-law's house keeping our nephew so my brother could do some Black Friday shopping.  So, mom and I went to one place to shop.  It was a small, stand alone department store and there were no big crowds.  We went around 10:30 and it was very casual shopping and we still found a few good bargains.

After the drive back home on Friday, I got Andrew back from his dad and stepmom and we mostly hung out at home.  Saturday morning we woke up and Andrew and I went to the 10AM Weight Watchers meeting.  Andrew started out doing well but it went downhill very quickly.  So, we had to leave the meeting early and I was not happy.  We came back home and Andrew and I stayed in bed from around 11AM until around 4PM.  We laid there talking and laughing for a bit and then we took a very long nap.  After that we woke up and went to dinner with my sister.  Andrew's mood was much better after the nap so obviously he was worn out and needed sleep.

Sunday (today) we got up and got ready for church.  After church we ran by Walmart for a few groceries and then we ate lunch and took a nap.  After nap, Andrew and I went to the movies to see Planet 51.  It was a cute movie and Andrew did great.  We went to the bathroom once and other than that, Andrew was great about watching the movie.  He ate tons of popcorn and drank his Sprite like a pro.  Then we went thru Wendy's drive-thru for dinner.  We played a while and then we did his nightly routine and he went to bed.

So, the big thing I'm struggling with right now is that I STILL don't have a full time teaching job.  I'm totally thankful for all the sub jobs I've had this school year.  I know that even if I'm not where I want to be right now, I need to keep in mind that God is using me to help other people be where they need to be.  It's a daily, moment to moment sometimes, struggle to continue to have faith that God is working on my behalf.  I'm trying my hardest to focus on the positives.  I get to tell people that I can't work if there are other things I need to do (like going to volunteer in Andrew's class or go to his Thanksgiving Feast and program).  I get to work in several different schools and move from grade to grade and it's helping fine tune where I enjoy teaching more and which areas aren't my favorites. 

What's frustrating is that I'm never on a set schedule.  I don't have a steady paycheck coming in and I don't have health insurance.  I don't have my own classroom with my own kids that I see day in and day out and I'm not working full time in the area of my passion- educating children. 

I continue to look for jobs in and out of the teaching field.  It doesn't seem like anything is open right now.  I'm doing my best to stay here in this area so that Andrew and his dad and stepmom can have as much time as possible together.  I feel that's what I need to do and I continue to trust that that's what God wants.

So, along with my other struggles, I am continuing to struggle with my food and weight.  I wonder if I'm ever going to get back on track and do well as long as I have no structure to the rest of my life.  I don't know what's going to happen.  I don't know if there are any answers to my questions that will show up anytime soon.  I just know that God is in control and I trust him with everything.