So, today our pastor spoke on faith and how important it is to our lives. Whether or not we want to admit it or acknowledge it, everything we do can be tied back to faith, or lack thereof. Given the place I'm in in my life right now, I feel that there is so much JUNK I need to get off my chest and so I'm hoping that blogging about it here might help make sense of some of it, or at least lighten my load regarding it all.
My last blog that I posted yesterday was about being thankful for things. As I write this blog regarding all the uncertainties in my life, I want everyone reading to know that I am beyond blessed and so very thankful for all that I do have in my life. However, just like anyone else, there are areas where I'm struggling.
As the title of my blog shows, I'm knocking rather loudly on the door to my 40s. Looking at my life and what it is right now, I can honestly say that I just don't recognize any part of it as what I thought my life was going to be at this point. At the age of 16, I'm certain that when I envisioned my life at 40, it wouldn't involve me living in a trailer with my sister and sharing a bedroom with my son. It wouldn't have included me being a single mom and currently unemployed. It wouldn't have included being approximately 70 pounds (give or take some) overweight and struggling to take it off. Nor would it have included the fact that I don't really have any close girlfriends that live nearby me. Typing all of that out and admitting it for others to read truly makes me very depressed and makes me ask the big question "Is this all my life has become?"
Some people may say that looking at one's life and asking such a question as "Is this the life I envisioned for myself?" at this time (around 40) means that I'm probably having a mid-life crisis. Maybe I am. Maybe not. I know other college friends have admitted to me that they have recently had what they'd call a mid-life crisis, while other college friends have done things lately that, from my perspective, seem to be the choices someone in a mid-life crisis might make. So, with that said, I guess it makes me wonder if maybe my feelings of frustration and lack of contentment might be my version of a mid-life crisis. If anyone has any answers, I'm all ears, for sure. :-)
In one of the books I've been reading lately, Lose It For Life, by Steve Arterburn, he makes a great point about how getting things out in the open means that they don't hold the power that they had when they were hidden. So many times we seem to think that the things we are thinking about ourselves and our circumstances are absolutely horrible and terrible and "what would people think if they knew _________ about us?" And yet, since we are all humans, born with sin nature and living in a fallen world, we ALL have those things in our lives we think will cause others to scorn us and treat us like we have 2 heads and 3 eyeballs. If only we'd be more transparent and seek out help in loving and supportive environments. Unfortunately, many of us have attempted to do those types of things, only to have trusted in the wrong people and been hurt to our cores when they've betrayed our trust. Why can't we all admit our shortcomings and know that to God, none of us are worthy? Why do we try to spend so much time "Keeping up with the Joneses/Smiths/Browns?" and finding out that the Joneses, Smiths and Browns are struggling as much as we are?
I think we just don't have enough faith. Too many times we go with what we know instead of taking time to pray and seek God and have FAITH that God is working out HIS best for our lives and in HIS time.
So many times we reach a point where we decide to "put it in God's hands" and swear we are going to leave it there. We start going to church regularly (if we weren't already). We start tithing our 10% (if we weren't already). We start doing all these things, hoping that we will do enough good things and God will notice and then whatever it is we "put in God's hands" is supposed to all the sudden work out just like we had hoped because we feel, after all, like we deserve it because we are crossing off all the things on our "What God Expects Us To Do" To Do List. When this doesn't happen, we get mad and start fussing at God and wondering why he isn't answering our prayers the way we want and in the time we think it should work out in. So, we rudely snatch back out of his hands whatever we put there and walk away. Then we start making poor decisions again, ones we think are right for us, not necessarily what we know is the right thing to do. We live in a society that tells us, "Do what feels good!" instead of "Do what's right!" So many times, what is right isn't popular and what's popular isn't right. Never before has that statement been any truer than it is in our society right this minute.
After we snatch our worries and cares away from God's hands and run with them ourselves, we usually make matters even worse than they already were. We continue thinking we can do better than God and that we know better than God. We are so bombarded with the concept of being "self-made men/women" that we feel like we have the power within ourselves to make things happen. When all in all, God is in control. Why don't we just have FAITH that HE knows what's best for us.
That job that we KNEW was THE ONE for us falls thru. That guy we were certain was THE ONE turns out to be a dud. The friend we thought we could share anything with turns on us and throws some of our deepest, darkest pains and hurts back in our face during a simple argument. We shake our heads, throw our hands up and ask God WHY?
Hebrews 11:1 says "Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see." We need to have faith in God and trust his plan, not our own.
So, with that said, I'm reminding myself to have FAITH in my life, especially in the areas that are areas of uncertainty and dissatisfaction for me. God is allowing these trials in my life to help me grow in my faith. The question is will I embrace the opportunities to grow and mature or will I fight every step and make myself even more frustrated? That choice is one that I can only make for myself.
What about you? Are there areas in your life where you are fighting God? How about joining with me in prayer that we can look at the trials as opportunities for growth of our faith instead of times of weariness?
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