In the last few days, it's been brought to my attention that several people I care deeply about are dealing with personal battles that are hurting them deeply. Since I'm continuing to deal with my dad's death and a new life without him around, my hurt is still very new. Compounding all that with friends hurting really just cuts me deep in my soul. It also reminds me that for those of us that are Christ-followers, this hurt and pain is only temporary. As the Carrie Underwood song says, "This is not our home."
I'm the type person that cares for my friends and family and I care for them deeply. When they hurt, I hurt with them. I'm also the type person that wants to help/fix things if it's in my power. Unfortunately, the hurts my friends are dealing with are things I have no control over and there's nothing I can do. I absolutely HATE knowing my hands are tied and I have to sit on the sidelines and watch them experience pain and heartache. I know that I can spend time praying to our Heavenly Father to take care of the problems and comfort my friends and I absoultely believe in the power of prayer. I just hate not being able to do anything visible for them.
I was reading a Facebook post earlier tonight where the poster said she didn't know how people without faith in Jesus Christ made it thru the tough and trying times. I totally agree with her. Faith is such an important part of my coping mechanism and without that faith, I would be a total basketcase, hands down.
So many people want to live in this world without Christ as their moral compass. I do not know how they deal with all the heartache and pain this world hands out to us on a regular basis.
Although there's nothing physical I can do to help, I'm praying and cheering them on as much as I possibly can. I just hope that if the time arises where I can do something, they know that I'm here and sitting on go to help.
Sunday, September 12, 2010
Sunday, September 5, 2010
Since I turned 40
So, it's been forever since I blogged and I feel terrible because of it. Oh well, I'm working on getting better at it and maybe this is the start of a new beginning.
It's September 5, 2010 and so much has happened since I turned 40. Here's the high/low points in a nutshell:
1. July 22 I had my gall bladder removed.
2. July 23 spent my birthday in recovery from surgery.
3. Found out my best friend from high school is battling breast cancer.
4. August 4 my daddy passed away at the age of 71.
5. August 6 we buried my daddy.
6. August 12 school started back and my 4.5 year old son started pre-k.
7. August 12 I also began my new job as a 5th grade Social Studies teacher at the same school I taught at last school year, half a year.
8. August 18 I began teaching the prek/k class on Wednesday nights at my church. It was my idea to start the program so I guess it's 'my baby' so to speak.
9. August 30 renewed my desire to get back in shape and to stay that way the rest of my life.
With all that said, as you can see, things have been extremely crazy in my life.
Here are the updates on how it's all going:
1. Recovery went well. I'm 6 weeks post-op and I feel great. All the stitches are gone and the wounds are all healed and the scars are hopefully going away. I can finally pick up Andrew again and he's happy. We've both missed me being able to 'tote my sack of taters'. :-)
2. Yes, I turned 40 and spent the day in bed in recovery. Not exactly the best way to spend a big, milestone birthday but it's ok. I have told several people that I didn't really feel old until I actually found out I was going to have to have a defective body part surgically removed. Afterall, don't only old people do that sort of thing? hahaha
3. Sandy, my high school best friend, found out on her 40th birthday that she had breast cancer. She had a mastectomy and has now begun the process of chemo. She has an extremely strong faith and has attacked this horrible, hideous disease with courage and strength. Please pray for her with me.
4. You may or may not know that my daddy died on August 4th after a 3+ year battle with renal failure (kidneys stopped working) thanks to complications from the evil disease known as diabetes. He spent most of the last 3 years tethered to an inhome dialysis machine. He had good days and bad days but never got to the point where we knew the end was coming soon. He didn't end up in a hospital lingering for a long period of time, wondering when the end would come. And we are thankful for that fact. He never wanted to be hooked to tons of machines to keep him alive. When it was his time to go, he wanted to go quickly and as painlessly as possible. That's how he went.
Thankfully my family has a strong faith in God. We all KNOW where my daddy is now- in Heaven. That FACT has helped us deal with this struggle. None of us has been completely devistated. We have cried. We miss him terribly. We think about all the fun and funny times we had thanks to him. But we will make it. Our faith in knowing that we will see him again in Heaven has helped us make it through. We are sad but we know he's way better off than we will ever be in this life. And that comforts us.
5. On August 6 we buried my daddy and began a new chapter in our lives. My momma, the sweetest, most loving wife and mother you could ever imagine, saw her husband of 46 years for the last time. She was his wife, lover, caretaker, best friend and so much more. She's been very strong and knows she'll see him again. Yes, she's been sad and missed him every minute of the day. But, she'll continue to live a great life. She's tried to mostly stay busy and I think that's helped. It's just the nighttime hours when she's all alone and when she used to spend lots of time with my dad, when I think it really hits her the most. Prayers for her are much appreciated as well.
6. School started and we've been in full GO mode since. Andrew started pre-k and loves it. He does give his teachers a challenge and he gets in trouble a lot. He spends a lot of time on the "time out spot" and even got sent to another classroom for a while the other day. That time out in another room is the last step before they go to the principal. I was afraid this was going to happen but I honestly think a lot of it has to do with boredom. They had a Pre-K Parent Orientation about a week ago. As they were discussing what all they do in the class, I couldn't help but think that so much of that stuff is stuff he's known for a year or longer. They are going to start doing letter sounds "later in the school year" and Andrew has known letter sounds a while. He's even sounding out words to read them and spell them. I am hoping and praying his behavior this year isn't a peek at what the next 12 years will be like.
7. Last school year I taught half a year in 4th grade Science. I was fortunate enough to be offered the chance to move to 5th grade Social Studies. I love the school where I teach. The staff I work with is an amazing group of people. They've been so supportive of me and my family since my daddy died and they are that way with everyone, regardless of what's going on in our lives. I also love my kids so very much. They are a great bunch of kids- challenging but I love them all. I'm so thankful to have another chance to teach them all.
8. The TeamKids program (prek/k) at church kicked off on August 18th. It went well although I had 11 kids all by myself. The 2nd week I had help and we had 18 kids. The 3rd week I had 12 by myself. So, needless to say, there's a need for a class for that age group. There's also a need for help with that program. Hopefully some parents will step up and offer to help. Otherwise, I may go crazy! :-)
9. Back at the end of June I decided to start working on getting rid of all the weight I regained and get back in shape. I'm 40 now and I NEED to do this. I don't want to end up in a situation like my daddy ended up in. He was diagnosed with diabetes when he was in his 40s and at diagnosis, he was overweight. I do not want to end up walking down a similar path to him. So, I HAVE to get it together and learn to live a life of moderation in all things. As they say, "everything in moderation, including moderation" and I think that's a great philosophy. I am hoping this year I can learn what moderation is and learn to live within it. Although I had a wrench thrown in things when my daddy died, I have managed to lose over 20 pounds since the end of June and I'm hoping to keep on that path.
I have a friend that's offered to help me get back on track and I'm taking him up on his offer. I'm not sure what it's going to look like as far as day to day support and such but any help is appreciated. I KNOW what I need to do for the most part. I just have to make the CHOICE to do it- day by day, step by step, bite by bite and choice by choice. Prayers are totally appreciated in this area as well.
I'm hoping and praying that by the time July 23, 2011 comes along, that I'll be in a better place all around. I'm hoping I'll be well on the way to being the healthiest I've been since I was a freshman in college. That spring and summer of my freshman year I took 2 swimming classes and I am certain I was in the best shape all around I've ever been in. I hope I can get back there, or somewhere close.
It's September 5, 2010 and so much has happened since I turned 40. Here's the high/low points in a nutshell:
1. July 22 I had my gall bladder removed.
2. July 23 spent my birthday in recovery from surgery.
3. Found out my best friend from high school is battling breast cancer.
4. August 4 my daddy passed away at the age of 71.
5. August 6 we buried my daddy.
6. August 12 school started back and my 4.5 year old son started pre-k.
7. August 12 I also began my new job as a 5th grade Social Studies teacher at the same school I taught at last school year, half a year.
8. August 18 I began teaching the prek/k class on Wednesday nights at my church. It was my idea to start the program so I guess it's 'my baby' so to speak.
9. August 30 renewed my desire to get back in shape and to stay that way the rest of my life.
With all that said, as you can see, things have been extremely crazy in my life.
Here are the updates on how it's all going:
1. Recovery went well. I'm 6 weeks post-op and I feel great. All the stitches are gone and the wounds are all healed and the scars are hopefully going away. I can finally pick up Andrew again and he's happy. We've both missed me being able to 'tote my sack of taters'. :-)
2. Yes, I turned 40 and spent the day in bed in recovery. Not exactly the best way to spend a big, milestone birthday but it's ok. I have told several people that I didn't really feel old until I actually found out I was going to have to have a defective body part surgically removed. Afterall, don't only old people do that sort of thing? hahaha
3. Sandy, my high school best friend, found out on her 40th birthday that she had breast cancer. She had a mastectomy and has now begun the process of chemo. She has an extremely strong faith and has attacked this horrible, hideous disease with courage and strength. Please pray for her with me.
4. You may or may not know that my daddy died on August 4th after a 3+ year battle with renal failure (kidneys stopped working) thanks to complications from the evil disease known as diabetes. He spent most of the last 3 years tethered to an inhome dialysis machine. He had good days and bad days but never got to the point where we knew the end was coming soon. He didn't end up in a hospital lingering for a long period of time, wondering when the end would come. And we are thankful for that fact. He never wanted to be hooked to tons of machines to keep him alive. When it was his time to go, he wanted to go quickly and as painlessly as possible. That's how he went.
Thankfully my family has a strong faith in God. We all KNOW where my daddy is now- in Heaven. That FACT has helped us deal with this struggle. None of us has been completely devistated. We have cried. We miss him terribly. We think about all the fun and funny times we had thanks to him. But we will make it. Our faith in knowing that we will see him again in Heaven has helped us make it through. We are sad but we know he's way better off than we will ever be in this life. And that comforts us.
5. On August 6 we buried my daddy and began a new chapter in our lives. My momma, the sweetest, most loving wife and mother you could ever imagine, saw her husband of 46 years for the last time. She was his wife, lover, caretaker, best friend and so much more. She's been very strong and knows she'll see him again. Yes, she's been sad and missed him every minute of the day. But, she'll continue to live a great life. She's tried to mostly stay busy and I think that's helped. It's just the nighttime hours when she's all alone and when she used to spend lots of time with my dad, when I think it really hits her the most. Prayers for her are much appreciated as well.
6. School started and we've been in full GO mode since. Andrew started pre-k and loves it. He does give his teachers a challenge and he gets in trouble a lot. He spends a lot of time on the "time out spot" and even got sent to another classroom for a while the other day. That time out in another room is the last step before they go to the principal. I was afraid this was going to happen but I honestly think a lot of it has to do with boredom. They had a Pre-K Parent Orientation about a week ago. As they were discussing what all they do in the class, I couldn't help but think that so much of that stuff is stuff he's known for a year or longer. They are going to start doing letter sounds "later in the school year" and Andrew has known letter sounds a while. He's even sounding out words to read them and spell them. I am hoping and praying his behavior this year isn't a peek at what the next 12 years will be like.
7. Last school year I taught half a year in 4th grade Science. I was fortunate enough to be offered the chance to move to 5th grade Social Studies. I love the school where I teach. The staff I work with is an amazing group of people. They've been so supportive of me and my family since my daddy died and they are that way with everyone, regardless of what's going on in our lives. I also love my kids so very much. They are a great bunch of kids- challenging but I love them all. I'm so thankful to have another chance to teach them all.
8. The TeamKids program (prek/k) at church kicked off on August 18th. It went well although I had 11 kids all by myself. The 2nd week I had help and we had 18 kids. The 3rd week I had 12 by myself. So, needless to say, there's a need for a class for that age group. There's also a need for help with that program. Hopefully some parents will step up and offer to help. Otherwise, I may go crazy! :-)
9. Back at the end of June I decided to start working on getting rid of all the weight I regained and get back in shape. I'm 40 now and I NEED to do this. I don't want to end up in a situation like my daddy ended up in. He was diagnosed with diabetes when he was in his 40s and at diagnosis, he was overweight. I do not want to end up walking down a similar path to him. So, I HAVE to get it together and learn to live a life of moderation in all things. As they say, "everything in moderation, including moderation" and I think that's a great philosophy. I am hoping this year I can learn what moderation is and learn to live within it. Although I had a wrench thrown in things when my daddy died, I have managed to lose over 20 pounds since the end of June and I'm hoping to keep on that path.
I have a friend that's offered to help me get back on track and I'm taking him up on his offer. I'm not sure what it's going to look like as far as day to day support and such but any help is appreciated. I KNOW what I need to do for the most part. I just have to make the CHOICE to do it- day by day, step by step, bite by bite and choice by choice. Prayers are totally appreciated in this area as well.
I'm hoping and praying that by the time July 23, 2011 comes along, that I'll be in a better place all around. I'm hoping I'll be well on the way to being the healthiest I've been since I was a freshman in college. That spring and summer of my freshman year I took 2 swimming classes and I am certain I was in the best shape all around I've ever been in. I hope I can get back there, or somewhere close.
Sunday, April 18, 2010
Life's Changes and Uncertainties
So, I've been working in my new job for 3 months now and absolutely love it. I enjoy what I do and the people I work with (students, staff, administrators, and parents) and low and behold, I was just informed this week that I will not have my contract renewed for the 2010-2011 school year due to RIF (Reduction in Force). They are eliminating a few jobs and since I was last one hired, I'm first one out the door in order for someone with tenure to take my job. Just as I was learning to truly love teaching science. If any jobs come open in the system due to people moving away, retiring, etc. I'll be eligible to apply for those jobs but as for right now, it's just a huge unknown.
However, I'm truly not too worried right now. I know God's in control and He's got a great plan for me. He's showed me time and again that He's faithful and that He'll put me in the right job in the right time for the job HE wants me to have. It's sometimes a tough pill to swallow but I trust Him totally. I'd rather be where He wants me than in a job I'm not supposed to be in. I've learned the hard way that His will and plan are the best and I just need to trust Him in all things, not just the easy ones.
Since I last blogged we have moved into a great rental house. We have a huge backyard and a huge front yard, a 2 car carport, 3 bedrooms, 2 baths, great size kitchen (with a dishwasher- that pretty much won me over from the start with that alone!) and we are settling in nicely. Today Andrew, Lyn and I had a nice little picnic out in the backyard. It was sheer bliss!
We are on Spring Break this week. Andrew and I are going to hang out at home most of the time. He does have an appointment, the 4 year check up, on Monday. After that he does have baseball practice in the evening but other than Monday, we have no real plans until Friday when he leaves to go with his dad for the weekend. I think we are going to spend a lot of time at home, hopefully playing in the yard and just enjoying our new house and all the space!!!
We went to my nephew, Zach's, 2nd birthday party yesterday. I was a great day and all our family was there. It was nice to be outside and watch Andrew and Zach and the other kids running around, enjoying being kids. Nothing really like it in the world.
That's about it for me. I'm continuing to enjoy all the blessings God has given in spite of all the times I've failed him. I'm grateful and thankful!
However, I'm truly not too worried right now. I know God's in control and He's got a great plan for me. He's showed me time and again that He's faithful and that He'll put me in the right job in the right time for the job HE wants me to have. It's sometimes a tough pill to swallow but I trust Him totally. I'd rather be where He wants me than in a job I'm not supposed to be in. I've learned the hard way that His will and plan are the best and I just need to trust Him in all things, not just the easy ones.
Since I last blogged we have moved into a great rental house. We have a huge backyard and a huge front yard, a 2 car carport, 3 bedrooms, 2 baths, great size kitchen (with a dishwasher- that pretty much won me over from the start with that alone!) and we are settling in nicely. Today Andrew, Lyn and I had a nice little picnic out in the backyard. It was sheer bliss!
We are on Spring Break this week. Andrew and I are going to hang out at home most of the time. He does have an appointment, the 4 year check up, on Monday. After that he does have baseball practice in the evening but other than Monday, we have no real plans until Friday when he leaves to go with his dad for the weekend. I think we are going to spend a lot of time at home, hopefully playing in the yard and just enjoying our new house and all the space!!!
We went to my nephew, Zach's, 2nd birthday party yesterday. I was a great day and all our family was there. It was nice to be outside and watch Andrew and Zach and the other kids running around, enjoying being kids. Nothing really like it in the world.
That's about it for me. I'm continuing to enjoy all the blessings God has given in spite of all the times I've failed him. I'm grateful and thankful!
Saturday, February 27, 2010
One month into my new job
Saturday, February 27, 2010
Last Friday was one month since I started my new job teaching 4th grade science and I can honestly say that I love it. I really like my boss and my co-workers. The kids, overall, are a great group of kids. Yes, they drive me crazy sometimes. Yes, some of them are way more "hard" than I feel 4th grade kids should be. Regardless, I love them dearly! They provide me with so much entertainment (sometimes at the appropriate time and a lot of times in inappropriate times) and fulfillment. I've learned in only a month that I'm exactly where I'm supposed to be now in my chosen career and I LOVE IT!!!
Since I started my new job and have to commute about 20 minutes, I've made a few changes to Andrew's schedule too. When I first started my new job, I was driving across town to take Andrew to daycare. I'd leave him at daycare at around 6:45AM and then I'd have to drive all the way BACK across town to head to where I work. Then, I'd leave my job at around 3:45 (when we are released for the day) and I'd get back to pick Andrew up from daycare at around 4:15/4:30 (depending on traffic). There was so much extra driving and Andrew was in daycare way more than he previously was while I was subbing. So, after tons of prayers, making pro and con lists, making a decision, rethinking, making a different decision, worrying, feeling very torn, I finally made the decision to move Andrew from his daycare and take him with me to the daycare at the elementary school in the town where I'm teaching. I did let Andrew visit the daycare for a few days and I asked him what he thought about it. I included his input in my decision making, too.
Before the changes with his daycare and even before I got my job, Andrew was going two nights each week and every other wekeend to spend the night with his dad and stepmom. When he was home with me, he was having very big meltdowns over things that were not worthy of meltdowns at all and the meltdowns were happening pretty regularly. His personality had changed and it was breaking my heart to see him having such a rough time. The only thing I could pinpoint that might be triggering his meltdowns was that his time away from his primary home had increased. Before his dad got married, Andrew was going to his dad's house usually one night a week and a night or two every other weekend. Then when his dad got married, stepmom wanted a more regular schedule so they were doing one night a week, another night every other week and every other weekend. Then, in January, they requested that Andrew start staying overnight two nights a week and every other weekend and I think it was just too much for him. So, starting mid-February, I decided that it would be best for Andrew to spend every night during the week at one house. He still goes to his dad and stepmom's house those two nights during the week but he comes home every night instead of staying part of the week at our house and part of the week at their house. I can honestly say that I can see a huge difference in his attitude. The first night he went to their house and then came home, he did have a few of his meltdowns. However, the next night he didn't have any and hasn't had any of the meltdowns that were over nothing, since.
Honestly, picking Andrew up (or Andrew's dad bringing him home) each night during the week hasn't been easy. I was used to having two nights a week where I could do what I wanted without having my mommy duties dictate what I did. It's not great fun to interrupt my night to drive about 15/20 minutes across town to go pick Andrew up at 7:45. But, I am certain, without a doubt, that the decision was the best thing FOR ANDREW.
Since I became a mom, it has been my goal to do everything within my power to make sure my decisions were for Andrew's best. I've spent a lot of time putting my personal feelings aside to make sure Andrew was in the best situation for HIM. Many decisions I've made haven't been easy or convenient for me. But, it's not about me. It's about Andrew and what's best for him. When I made the decision to change Andrew's time with his dad and stepmom, that was my goal. I wasn't sure what I was doing was right but it was the only thing I could thing of to try to improve my son's state of mind. Some people might not agree with my decisions. Some people have even asked me why I've done some of the things I've done. Some people have gotten mad at me. So, be it. I know, in my heart of hearts, that I've always done what was best for Andrew. I'm his mom. I've known him since the beginning of his little, precious life. I can read him better than anyone. He wasn't happy and I could see it because I'm his mom.
Andrew's fortunate enough to have a great number of people in his life that love him. I'm so appreciative of all those that have welcomed Andrew in their lives and love him. I just hope that those that question my choices know that my goal is to do all I can to raise Andrew to be a strong Christian young man that will love those around him, be considerate of others' feelings and be willing to hear all sides of a story before picking a side. I also hope that he will give everyone a fair chance, even if they make choices that hurt him. I hope he learns to be forgiving, regardless of how people treat him. That's what I strive to do and I hope I'm setting a good example for him.
It's 5 months until my 40th birthday. I can proudly say that I'm in a career I love, I have a son that's handsome, smart, funny, and incredibly loving. My family loves me and they are so very supportive. I'm beyond blessed.
Last Friday was one month since I started my new job teaching 4th grade science and I can honestly say that I love it. I really like my boss and my co-workers. The kids, overall, are a great group of kids. Yes, they drive me crazy sometimes. Yes, some of them are way more "hard" than I feel 4th grade kids should be. Regardless, I love them dearly! They provide me with so much entertainment (sometimes at the appropriate time and a lot of times in inappropriate times) and fulfillment. I've learned in only a month that I'm exactly where I'm supposed to be now in my chosen career and I LOVE IT!!!
Since I started my new job and have to commute about 20 minutes, I've made a few changes to Andrew's schedule too. When I first started my new job, I was driving across town to take Andrew to daycare. I'd leave him at daycare at around 6:45AM and then I'd have to drive all the way BACK across town to head to where I work. Then, I'd leave my job at around 3:45 (when we are released for the day) and I'd get back to pick Andrew up from daycare at around 4:15/4:30 (depending on traffic). There was so much extra driving and Andrew was in daycare way more than he previously was while I was subbing. So, after tons of prayers, making pro and con lists, making a decision, rethinking, making a different decision, worrying, feeling very torn, I finally made the decision to move Andrew from his daycare and take him with me to the daycare at the elementary school in the town where I'm teaching. I did let Andrew visit the daycare for a few days and I asked him what he thought about it. I included his input in my decision making, too.
Before the changes with his daycare and even before I got my job, Andrew was going two nights each week and every other wekeend to spend the night with his dad and stepmom. When he was home with me, he was having very big meltdowns over things that were not worthy of meltdowns at all and the meltdowns were happening pretty regularly. His personality had changed and it was breaking my heart to see him having such a rough time. The only thing I could pinpoint that might be triggering his meltdowns was that his time away from his primary home had increased. Before his dad got married, Andrew was going to his dad's house usually one night a week and a night or two every other weekend. Then when his dad got married, stepmom wanted a more regular schedule so they were doing one night a week, another night every other week and every other weekend. Then, in January, they requested that Andrew start staying overnight two nights a week and every other weekend and I think it was just too much for him. So, starting mid-February, I decided that it would be best for Andrew to spend every night during the week at one house. He still goes to his dad and stepmom's house those two nights during the week but he comes home every night instead of staying part of the week at our house and part of the week at their house. I can honestly say that I can see a huge difference in his attitude. The first night he went to their house and then came home, he did have a few of his meltdowns. However, the next night he didn't have any and hasn't had any of the meltdowns that were over nothing, since.
Honestly, picking Andrew up (or Andrew's dad bringing him home) each night during the week hasn't been easy. I was used to having two nights a week where I could do what I wanted without having my mommy duties dictate what I did. It's not great fun to interrupt my night to drive about 15/20 minutes across town to go pick Andrew up at 7:45. But, I am certain, without a doubt, that the decision was the best thing FOR ANDREW.
Since I became a mom, it has been my goal to do everything within my power to make sure my decisions were for Andrew's best. I've spent a lot of time putting my personal feelings aside to make sure Andrew was in the best situation for HIM. Many decisions I've made haven't been easy or convenient for me. But, it's not about me. It's about Andrew and what's best for him. When I made the decision to change Andrew's time with his dad and stepmom, that was my goal. I wasn't sure what I was doing was right but it was the only thing I could thing of to try to improve my son's state of mind. Some people might not agree with my decisions. Some people have even asked me why I've done some of the things I've done. Some people have gotten mad at me. So, be it. I know, in my heart of hearts, that I've always done what was best for Andrew. I'm his mom. I've known him since the beginning of his little, precious life. I can read him better than anyone. He wasn't happy and I could see it because I'm his mom.
Andrew's fortunate enough to have a great number of people in his life that love him. I'm so appreciative of all those that have welcomed Andrew in their lives and love him. I just hope that those that question my choices know that my goal is to do all I can to raise Andrew to be a strong Christian young man that will love those around him, be considerate of others' feelings and be willing to hear all sides of a story before picking a side. I also hope that he will give everyone a fair chance, even if they make choices that hurt him. I hope he learns to be forgiving, regardless of how people treat him. That's what I strive to do and I hope I'm setting a good example for him.
It's 5 months until my 40th birthday. I can proudly say that I'm in a career I love, I have a son that's handsome, smart, funny, and incredibly loving. My family loves me and they are so very supportive. I'm beyond blessed.
Monday, January 18, 2010
Day Before Full Time Employment Begins- Yay!
Today is the last day that I will be unemployed full time and I'm so very excited! As you may (or may not) know, I begin a new job as a 4th grade science teacher tomorrow. Here's the story of how it all worked out.
I had Andrew in November 2005. I returned to work in February 2006 and was absolutely miserable and stressed out due to my job. I had been miserable in my job before I had Andrew and I was hoping that my time off for maternity leave would mean that once I went back to work, things would be better. The exact opposite happened- I was TONS more miserable than I ever imagined I would be. So, in May 2006 I walked out of my job, with no notice and with no other job to go to. However, I felt like I truly had no other option. The stress of the job that I absolutely HATED and the stress of being the primary caregiver and single mother to an infant was too much for me to deal with. Maybe post partum depression played a part in my decision, who knows. Regardless, I walked away and had no clue what I was going to do next.
The next year I worked in a temp job and also did some substitute teaching to give me something to do and a little money coming in as well. As I was doing those things, I did continue to apply for jobs and go on interviews that never panned out. It was a year of frustration and futility for me on the professional front. After spending almost a year in that place, I decided to check into going back to school to teach elementary school. Over the years I had thought about going back to school but it never seemed like a good time. But after a year of temp jobs and sub teaching, I decided that there was no time like the present to go back to school.
May 2007 I started back to school to get certification to teach elementary school. I absolutely LOVED being back in school and the chance to be in schools working with kids. When I started back to school, there was no inkling that education would eventually become an area of state budgets that would seem to be a good place to make cuts to help cover budget deficits. I was certain that I'd be able to get a job with no problems at all.
I was fortunate enough to be in several different classrooms over the time of my education. I spent time in Jennifer Williams kindergarten at Nevils Elementary, Kay Rule's 1st grade class at Mattie Lively Elementary, Valerie Zeigler's 4th grade class at Langston Chapel Elemenary and did my student teaching with Mark Petkewich and his 3rd grade class at Brooklet Elementary. I was so blessed in the classrooms where I learned more and more about being a teacher. During my off time, I was able to substitute teach some and it kept reminding me why I love being in the elementary classroom.
Since graduating in May 2009, I had the summer off and then I began substitute teaching when school started back. I subbed at Mattie Lively, Sallie Zetterower, Nevils and Julia P Bryant schools and spent the most time subbing at Brooklet Elementary. I enjoyed my time subbing because it allowed me to hone in on what age group I preferred to work with. 3rd and 4th grades are my favorites but there are positives and negatives in every grade.
During my time subbing, I had a few job interviews and things didn't pan out for me. I was fortunate enough to have an interview in Metter at Metter Intermediate School with Gwenda Rotton. I really enjoyed hearing about what was going on at MIS. Mrs. Gwenda called me before Christmas about another job position and then when that one didn't work out, she assured me that she wanted me on her staff but she wanted me in the right position for me. So, about two weeks ago she called me about a position that was coming open. I went over and met with her and Mrs. Jessica about the job. I visited all day last Monday and then spent the rest of the week in the classroom with the teacher that was leaving so that I could see how the class was run and had time to get to know the kids.
Mrs. Renee is the teacher I'm replacing. I'm very fortunate because she's leaving me all her resources. I'm enjoying getting to know the kids and look forward to having my own classroom, finally!
If you are in a situation where you are waiting for something that you want, trust God and his plan. The things that come along that you want and don't work out are not for you. Sometimes that's hard to accept. Trust God and his timing. He knows best for us.
Let me know if I can pray for you about something you are waiting on. God is good and he loves us all.
I had Andrew in November 2005. I returned to work in February 2006 and was absolutely miserable and stressed out due to my job. I had been miserable in my job before I had Andrew and I was hoping that my time off for maternity leave would mean that once I went back to work, things would be better. The exact opposite happened- I was TONS more miserable than I ever imagined I would be. So, in May 2006 I walked out of my job, with no notice and with no other job to go to. However, I felt like I truly had no other option. The stress of the job that I absolutely HATED and the stress of being the primary caregiver and single mother to an infant was too much for me to deal with. Maybe post partum depression played a part in my decision, who knows. Regardless, I walked away and had no clue what I was going to do next.
The next year I worked in a temp job and also did some substitute teaching to give me something to do and a little money coming in as well. As I was doing those things, I did continue to apply for jobs and go on interviews that never panned out. It was a year of frustration and futility for me on the professional front. After spending almost a year in that place, I decided to check into going back to school to teach elementary school. Over the years I had thought about going back to school but it never seemed like a good time. But after a year of temp jobs and sub teaching, I decided that there was no time like the present to go back to school.
May 2007 I started back to school to get certification to teach elementary school. I absolutely LOVED being back in school and the chance to be in schools working with kids. When I started back to school, there was no inkling that education would eventually become an area of state budgets that would seem to be a good place to make cuts to help cover budget deficits. I was certain that I'd be able to get a job with no problems at all.
I was fortunate enough to be in several different classrooms over the time of my education. I spent time in Jennifer Williams kindergarten at Nevils Elementary, Kay Rule's 1st grade class at Mattie Lively Elementary, Valerie Zeigler's 4th grade class at Langston Chapel Elemenary and did my student teaching with Mark Petkewich and his 3rd grade class at Brooklet Elementary. I was so blessed in the classrooms where I learned more and more about being a teacher. During my off time, I was able to substitute teach some and it kept reminding me why I love being in the elementary classroom.
Since graduating in May 2009, I had the summer off and then I began substitute teaching when school started back. I subbed at Mattie Lively, Sallie Zetterower, Nevils and Julia P Bryant schools and spent the most time subbing at Brooklet Elementary. I enjoyed my time subbing because it allowed me to hone in on what age group I preferred to work with. 3rd and 4th grades are my favorites but there are positives and negatives in every grade.
During my time subbing, I had a few job interviews and things didn't pan out for me. I was fortunate enough to have an interview in Metter at Metter Intermediate School with Gwenda Rotton. I really enjoyed hearing about what was going on at MIS. Mrs. Gwenda called me before Christmas about another job position and then when that one didn't work out, she assured me that she wanted me on her staff but she wanted me in the right position for me. So, about two weeks ago she called me about a position that was coming open. I went over and met with her and Mrs. Jessica about the job. I visited all day last Monday and then spent the rest of the week in the classroom with the teacher that was leaving so that I could see how the class was run and had time to get to know the kids.
Mrs. Renee is the teacher I'm replacing. I'm very fortunate because she's leaving me all her resources. I'm enjoying getting to know the kids and look forward to having my own classroom, finally!
If you are in a situation where you are waiting for something that you want, trust God and his plan. The things that come along that you want and don't work out are not for you. Sometimes that's hard to accept. Trust God and his timing. He knows best for us.
Let me know if I can pray for you about something you are waiting on. God is good and he loves us all.
Sunday, December 27, 2009
Post-Christmas, Pre-New Year Thoughts
Merry Christmas (late)! I hope that Santa was good to you and you got everything you wanted. I hope this was your best Christmas ever. :-)
My Christmas was very different than it's ever been in my life. This year Andrew spent Christmas Eve with his dad's family and so my sister and I stayed at our house instead of being with our parents. That meant this was the first year EVER (in my 39 years) that I didn't wake up in the same house with my parents. Talk about odd....it was VERY ODD. So, my Christmas morning was spent sleeping until around 9AM and then I hung out at home mostly by myself, wrapping all my Christmas presents, since Lyn went to lunch with some of her friends. Finally, I was able to pick up Andrew from his dad and stepmom's at around 2PM and we then headed to momma and daddy's house. When we made it to momma and daddy's is when my Christmas officially began.
When we got to momma and daddy's house, Jon, Erin and Zach (brother, sister in law and nephew) were already there. We hung out for a while and then we ate dinner. A friend of the family smoked a turkey for us so we had smoked turkey, dressing, gravy, peas, sweet potatoes, cranberry sauce and rolls for dinner. After dinner we opened presents. Andrew got a Buzz Lightyear and that was the thing he wanted opened right away. He got a Woody but it was at our house waiting for him since Santa left it. Now, he's got both of them and usually if he has one, the other isn't very far away. He loves them and them along with his Potato Heads (Mr. and Mrs.) he reenacts scenes from Toy Story sometimes- very cute!
One of the good things about having experienced a different type of Christmas meant that I was able to attend my church's Christmas Eve service this year for the first time. It really was a great time for us to get together as a church family to celebrate the reason for Christmas- Jesus's birth. My pastor talked about the anticipation of Christ's birth- his coming was foretold numerous times in the Old Testament. For a lot of people there was huge anticipation of his coming. For his mom and dad, Mary and Joseph, there was tons of anticipation too. Afterall, anytime a new baby is coming, parents are excited and anxious for the birth. But Mary and Joseph had even more anticipation since they were both visited by angels and were told that Jesus's birth was something very special. So, our pastor challenged us to look for the things we can anticipate in our lives that God is going to give to us. With that challenge, I'm excited and ready to see what new things God has in store for me in 2010.
I hope and pray that the end of 2009 allows you some time to ponder the last year and what has happened- good and bad. Are you any better or worse off than you were in 2008?
What are the big thigns that you hope happen in 2010?
Are you planning to wait on God's plan to unfold in HIS time or are you going to do whatever it takes to make it happen on your own? I pray that you wait for God and HIS timing. HIS timing is perfect.
My Christmas was very different than it's ever been in my life. This year Andrew spent Christmas Eve with his dad's family and so my sister and I stayed at our house instead of being with our parents. That meant this was the first year EVER (in my 39 years) that I didn't wake up in the same house with my parents. Talk about odd....it was VERY ODD. So, my Christmas morning was spent sleeping until around 9AM and then I hung out at home mostly by myself, wrapping all my Christmas presents, since Lyn went to lunch with some of her friends. Finally, I was able to pick up Andrew from his dad and stepmom's at around 2PM and we then headed to momma and daddy's house. When we made it to momma and daddy's is when my Christmas officially began.
When we got to momma and daddy's house, Jon, Erin and Zach (brother, sister in law and nephew) were already there. We hung out for a while and then we ate dinner. A friend of the family smoked a turkey for us so we had smoked turkey, dressing, gravy, peas, sweet potatoes, cranberry sauce and rolls for dinner. After dinner we opened presents. Andrew got a Buzz Lightyear and that was the thing he wanted opened right away. He got a Woody but it was at our house waiting for him since Santa left it. Now, he's got both of them and usually if he has one, the other isn't very far away. He loves them and them along with his Potato Heads (Mr. and Mrs.) he reenacts scenes from Toy Story sometimes- very cute!
One of the good things about having experienced a different type of Christmas meant that I was able to attend my church's Christmas Eve service this year for the first time. It really was a great time for us to get together as a church family to celebrate the reason for Christmas- Jesus's birth. My pastor talked about the anticipation of Christ's birth- his coming was foretold numerous times in the Old Testament. For a lot of people there was huge anticipation of his coming. For his mom and dad, Mary and Joseph, there was tons of anticipation too. Afterall, anytime a new baby is coming, parents are excited and anxious for the birth. But Mary and Joseph had even more anticipation since they were both visited by angels and were told that Jesus's birth was something very special. So, our pastor challenged us to look for the things we can anticipate in our lives that God is going to give to us. With that challenge, I'm excited and ready to see what new things God has in store for me in 2010.
I hope and pray that the end of 2009 allows you some time to ponder the last year and what has happened- good and bad. Are you any better or worse off than you were in 2008?
What are the big thigns that you hope happen in 2010?
Are you planning to wait on God's plan to unfold in HIS time or are you going to do whatever it takes to make it happen on your own? I pray that you wait for God and HIS timing. HIS timing is perfect.
Sunday, November 29, 2009
Musings post-Thanksgiving 2009
Sunday, November 29, 2009
What a week I've just had. First my house got broken into. Then my son turned 4 years old (where has time gone, btw?) and then it was Peacock Thanksgiving 2009. Now the long Thanksgiving Break is over, everyone is getting ready to head back to work and school. And here I am, still unemployed and looking for the blessings to focus on instead of falling back into another pity party about my current circumstances. As you may imagine, it's easier said than done to focus on the blessings sometimes.
Today my pastor talked about how we need THE LIGHT/AKA THE TRUTH/AKA Jesus Christ in our lives to get rid of the darkness. So, I'm trying to focus on the positives of my situation so that they can cast light on the dark places in my life.
Yes, our house was broken into. I was away from home for about an hour and a half and when I returned, I found the broken window and lights on that I hadn't left on when I left. My sister was out of town and not due back home for another day so I knew it wasn't her doing. Surprisingly, it took a few minutes for the reality to hit my brain that someone had broken in and had been in our house and that the person might still be there. Once reality set in and I processed all the clues, I walked back out and called 911. It took about 20 minutes for the deputy get to me and during that time I was in shock and trying to figure out what I was going to do. Eventually the deputy made it to the house and he walked thru to make sure noone was in the house. Then I had to figure out if anything seemed to be missing. To my surprise, nothing was taken. We had two laptop computers still sitting in the house and both were still there. It was obvious that the robber was looking for small things- jewelry (none that we have of any monetary value) and money (none that we have either, especially not any laying around or in a secret stash). Given everything, I'm counting my blessings for the following- 1) Nothing was taken, 2) I was alone at the time and Andrew wasn't with me so I didn't have to deal with my emotions along with trying to explain things to a 4 year old that asks TONS of questions, 3) No one was hurt.
Andrew turned 4 on Tuesday. We had a very good day and I totally count my blessings that come thru him in my life. He's smart and funny and entertaining. He's challenging and drives me nuts sometimes but I wouldn't change anything about him. He's pure joy and I'm so very thankful that he is in my life and is my little boy. His random "Mommy, I love you!" and "I want to give you a hug!" warm my heart like nothing else in this world.
Thanksgiving 2009 was good as well. The Peacock family got together for our yearly big event and we had 39 family members there. We had 6 members of the family that were elsewhere for Thanksgiving and we have several others that are no longer with us on this earth. Andrew got to run and play with other great grandkids and he had a ball. It was good to see family that we don't see very often and the food was an extra bonus. I baked 2 desserts from Hungry Girl recipes. I made some Red Velvet cupcakes that tasted good but I didn't read the directions on how to make the frosting and I messed it up so they were too ugly to take to a family gathering. I also made a Pumpkin Pie that was really good but the crust could use some MAJOR overhauling.
Black Friday was very uneventful for me. Andrew was with his dad and stepmom. My sister was at my brother and sister-in-law's house keeping our nephew so my brother could do some Black Friday shopping. So, mom and I went to one place to shop. It was a small, stand alone department store and there were no big crowds. We went around 10:30 and it was very casual shopping and we still found a few good bargains.
After the drive back home on Friday, I got Andrew back from his dad and stepmom and we mostly hung out at home. Saturday morning we woke up and Andrew and I went to the 10AM Weight Watchers meeting. Andrew started out doing well but it went downhill very quickly. So, we had to leave the meeting early and I was not happy. We came back home and Andrew and I stayed in bed from around 11AM until around 4PM. We laid there talking and laughing for a bit and then we took a very long nap. After that we woke up and went to dinner with my sister. Andrew's mood was much better after the nap so obviously he was worn out and needed sleep.
Sunday (today) we got up and got ready for church. After church we ran by Walmart for a few groceries and then we ate lunch and took a nap. After nap, Andrew and I went to the movies to see Planet 51. It was a cute movie and Andrew did great. We went to the bathroom once and other than that, Andrew was great about watching the movie. He ate tons of popcorn and drank his Sprite like a pro. Then we went thru Wendy's drive-thru for dinner. We played a while and then we did his nightly routine and he went to bed.
So, the big thing I'm struggling with right now is that I STILL don't have a full time teaching job. I'm totally thankful for all the sub jobs I've had this school year. I know that even if I'm not where I want to be right now, I need to keep in mind that God is using me to help other people be where they need to be. It's a daily, moment to moment sometimes, struggle to continue to have faith that God is working on my behalf. I'm trying my hardest to focus on the positives. I get to tell people that I can't work if there are other things I need to do (like going to volunteer in Andrew's class or go to his Thanksgiving Feast and program). I get to work in several different schools and move from grade to grade and it's helping fine tune where I enjoy teaching more and which areas aren't my favorites.
What's frustrating is that I'm never on a set schedule. I don't have a steady paycheck coming in and I don't have health insurance. I don't have my own classroom with my own kids that I see day in and day out and I'm not working full time in the area of my passion- educating children.
I continue to look for jobs in and out of the teaching field. It doesn't seem like anything is open right now. I'm doing my best to stay here in this area so that Andrew and his dad and stepmom can have as much time as possible together. I feel that's what I need to do and I continue to trust that that's what God wants.
So, along with my other struggles, I am continuing to struggle with my food and weight. I wonder if I'm ever going to get back on track and do well as long as I have no structure to the rest of my life. I don't know what's going to happen. I don't know if there are any answers to my questions that will show up anytime soon. I just know that God is in control and I trust him with everything.
What a week I've just had. First my house got broken into. Then my son turned 4 years old (where has time gone, btw?) and then it was Peacock Thanksgiving 2009. Now the long Thanksgiving Break is over, everyone is getting ready to head back to work and school. And here I am, still unemployed and looking for the blessings to focus on instead of falling back into another pity party about my current circumstances. As you may imagine, it's easier said than done to focus on the blessings sometimes.
Today my pastor talked about how we need THE LIGHT/AKA THE TRUTH/AKA Jesus Christ in our lives to get rid of the darkness. So, I'm trying to focus on the positives of my situation so that they can cast light on the dark places in my life.
Yes, our house was broken into. I was away from home for about an hour and a half and when I returned, I found the broken window and lights on that I hadn't left on when I left. My sister was out of town and not due back home for another day so I knew it wasn't her doing. Surprisingly, it took a few minutes for the reality to hit my brain that someone had broken in and had been in our house and that the person might still be there. Once reality set in and I processed all the clues, I walked back out and called 911. It took about 20 minutes for the deputy get to me and during that time I was in shock and trying to figure out what I was going to do. Eventually the deputy made it to the house and he walked thru to make sure noone was in the house. Then I had to figure out if anything seemed to be missing. To my surprise, nothing was taken. We had two laptop computers still sitting in the house and both were still there. It was obvious that the robber was looking for small things- jewelry (none that we have of any monetary value) and money (none that we have either, especially not any laying around or in a secret stash). Given everything, I'm counting my blessings for the following- 1) Nothing was taken, 2) I was alone at the time and Andrew wasn't with me so I didn't have to deal with my emotions along with trying to explain things to a 4 year old that asks TONS of questions, 3) No one was hurt.
Andrew turned 4 on Tuesday. We had a very good day and I totally count my blessings that come thru him in my life. He's smart and funny and entertaining. He's challenging and drives me nuts sometimes but I wouldn't change anything about him. He's pure joy and I'm so very thankful that he is in my life and is my little boy. His random "Mommy, I love you!" and "I want to give you a hug!" warm my heart like nothing else in this world.
Thanksgiving 2009 was good as well. The Peacock family got together for our yearly big event and we had 39 family members there. We had 6 members of the family that were elsewhere for Thanksgiving and we have several others that are no longer with us on this earth. Andrew got to run and play with other great grandkids and he had a ball. It was good to see family that we don't see very often and the food was an extra bonus. I baked 2 desserts from Hungry Girl recipes. I made some Red Velvet cupcakes that tasted good but I didn't read the directions on how to make the frosting and I messed it up so they were too ugly to take to a family gathering. I also made a Pumpkin Pie that was really good but the crust could use some MAJOR overhauling.
Black Friday was very uneventful for me. Andrew was with his dad and stepmom. My sister was at my brother and sister-in-law's house keeping our nephew so my brother could do some Black Friday shopping. So, mom and I went to one place to shop. It was a small, stand alone department store and there were no big crowds. We went around 10:30 and it was very casual shopping and we still found a few good bargains.
After the drive back home on Friday, I got Andrew back from his dad and stepmom and we mostly hung out at home. Saturday morning we woke up and Andrew and I went to the 10AM Weight Watchers meeting. Andrew started out doing well but it went downhill very quickly. So, we had to leave the meeting early and I was not happy. We came back home and Andrew and I stayed in bed from around 11AM until around 4PM. We laid there talking and laughing for a bit and then we took a very long nap. After that we woke up and went to dinner with my sister. Andrew's mood was much better after the nap so obviously he was worn out and needed sleep.
Sunday (today) we got up and got ready for church. After church we ran by Walmart for a few groceries and then we ate lunch and took a nap. After nap, Andrew and I went to the movies to see Planet 51. It was a cute movie and Andrew did great. We went to the bathroom once and other than that, Andrew was great about watching the movie. He ate tons of popcorn and drank his Sprite like a pro. Then we went thru Wendy's drive-thru for dinner. We played a while and then we did his nightly routine and he went to bed.
So, the big thing I'm struggling with right now is that I STILL don't have a full time teaching job. I'm totally thankful for all the sub jobs I've had this school year. I know that even if I'm not where I want to be right now, I need to keep in mind that God is using me to help other people be where they need to be. It's a daily, moment to moment sometimes, struggle to continue to have faith that God is working on my behalf. I'm trying my hardest to focus on the positives. I get to tell people that I can't work if there are other things I need to do (like going to volunteer in Andrew's class or go to his Thanksgiving Feast and program). I get to work in several different schools and move from grade to grade and it's helping fine tune where I enjoy teaching more and which areas aren't my favorites.
What's frustrating is that I'm never on a set schedule. I don't have a steady paycheck coming in and I don't have health insurance. I don't have my own classroom with my own kids that I see day in and day out and I'm not working full time in the area of my passion- educating children.
I continue to look for jobs in and out of the teaching field. It doesn't seem like anything is open right now. I'm doing my best to stay here in this area so that Andrew and his dad and stepmom can have as much time as possible together. I feel that's what I need to do and I continue to trust that that's what God wants.
So, along with my other struggles, I am continuing to struggle with my food and weight. I wonder if I'm ever going to get back on track and do well as long as I have no structure to the rest of my life. I don't know what's going to happen. I don't know if there are any answers to my questions that will show up anytime soon. I just know that God is in control and I trust him with everything.
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